Okay so I'm Shaking

I feel like I should have so much of this down by now. I've been through 2 major phases of my Christian life. The sincere, but unexamined phase that carried me through 19 years of life. And the difficult, but authentic search that has taken me deeper into God, deeper into myself.

As I track my emotions throughout the day however, I feel like I really am no different from those around me. I'm just trying to find some happiness in this jacked up world. I'm trying to stay upbeat when I'm trembling inside over the tsunami's that rage in my world, my family, and my future.

I'm not gonna lie...I want to feel good inside. I want to feel at peace, even when I'm in the midst of really hard times, like I am now. And sometimes I do feel a peace, but right now I'm also shaking.

Friends

I'm just thankful right now for my friends...Alan, Casey, Dawn, Rick, Ashley, Rhett...people who love me...

Nothing like pain to show you how much you need people.

Scars

Received some pretty hard hitting news today...people in my life who are hurting deeply...making poor choices.

Sometimes life has the uncanny ability to kick you when you are down. I'm not sure I'll ever understand why pain has to exist. I do know that through pain I've experienced an intimacy with God that I did not before.

Still something inside me tells me we were made for beauty, for joy, for gladness, for simple pleasures, pure ecstasy...a life in the garden of Eden with our God. Every time our soul is pierced by the dull, rusty blade of this world, it leaves a permanent mark.

I believe Frodo says in the Return of the King that there are some wounds that run too deep, that time cannot fully heal. It seems to me there will always be a scar.